Healing
by Mag8889
Summary: NOT ANYMORE Quick one-shot. Winter Soldier has been hiding for weeks, lost and hungry. Steven finds him and a struggle starts to get the real Bucky back. NOT ANYMORE Simple and no tough-guys. THIS GOT PRETTY DARK, AS FOR ME... No slash ;p Still more of the same touchy things I write about :] I put in all the moving things I like.
1. Chapter 1

Bucky squeezed his eyelids, still lying on his back supporting his head onto a cold wall.

„My skin, my skin hurts so bad..." He whimpered, trying not to scratch his face. It felt as if he could tear this one stain off to the blood.

„It's alright Bucky... you've been treated with gas. They were chased away. You have to go with me, please. The pain will go away eventually. You regenerate." Said unfamiliar male voice. A man sounded concerned but also careful.

„Who are you?! Why do you call me like that?" Buck shouted hysterically. He hadn't assessed the situation for a while now. He was woken up by horrible smell and acidic burning.

He had no idea who could have approached him. He'd been hiding all week now. Behind trash containers.

Tears started going down his face some of them itching the irritated wound. „I don't want to go!" He yelled. „It burns... I don't want more pain." He groaned while trying to back off unsuccessfully.

„Bucky... you have to come with me. I'm Steve, you know me. We were soldiers fighting together!"

„Nooo!" Tears were going down even faster, he realized that eyes burn a bit too. His face flustered and a red, scorching mark on his cheek lit up. His lips formed a cringe. It tasted bitter. His life tasted so bitter.

There was some kind of attack on him or maybe... he wasn't careful with all the waste around.

„Bucky..." Through a curtain of tears he saw the tall man approaching with careful steps. He didn't look like Steve! He was much too big! Bucky made an effort to push himself back into the wall, but there was nowhere else to go and he felt so weak.

The man slowly crouched a foot away from him, with palms open and visible. His eyes seemed firm but honest and filled with something that desperate soldier couldn't quite recognize. It pinched him.

He aimed a knife immediately. Small blade kept on shaking together with the arm, but bucky made effort to keep his stance, even half-lying. His blue but reddish eyes fixed, full of pain, although ready to fight like an animal chased into a corner.

„Don't, don't come any closer..." He wheezed and caught his breath again.

„Buck..." The man grimaced as if he was about to cry. „My god, when did you eat last time?"

The soldier shoot his eyes to the right, as if calculating a potential threat of answering. HYDRA had its ways to trick him sometimes. It's been a while... he wondered and his lips partially opened. It's been a while when they tested him? But the memory seemed random and lost into a void. A fact of punishment existed but stranded, like a warning without a reason.

Bucky gripped the knife tighter and his hand shivered hard. The strange man looked down onto it and bite his lip. The soldier gasped when his back refused to heave the rest of the body.

"We don't have much time... I am Steve Rogers. You saved me when I fell down to the river. Do you remember?" The sentences were recited coldly, almost as a command.

Buck moved his head uncertain what to do with that. It was a command...

His mouth opened and he tried to say something... coherent. Something that... had a meaning to HYDRA.

His eyes strayed to the ground and back to the face of HYDRA handler, obviously testing him. Finally, he pulled back the knife into his chest pocket, they wouldn't like it.

The man sighed in relief and moved for an inch, before Bucky flinched.

Steve raised his hands calmly and nodded. "At ease, soldier..."

Bucky wrinkled, obviously lost as he put his lips tight for a second. That was very unusual test. His face itched a bit less but it was still a bad pain. Chills wondering around his face. Tears stopped flowing.

As if with an awful effort, he formed a response.

"Mission failed." His voice was gritty and washed out of emotions. It felt good all the sudden, it felt like home. Even if he gets a punishment. "Target survived." He looked up at his new handler who seemed different than all the others that Bucky had a notion to remember.

"...minor damage... dislocated shoulder, contusions, severe skin irritation of chemical origin. Weapons lost except knives." He kept on going, feeling his body going limp, his mind reconciled with punishment for a failure. It would hurt, hurt very much, until he'd forget how to scream.

The man's face froze, Bucky couldn't identify his emotion, it meant they wanted more.

"Severe malnutrition..." He said and winced. He couldn't comprehend how these words came out of his mouth. But this was the last report before he muttered "Hail HYDRA..." And fell into darkness.

* * *

The darkness was soft and warm. He tried to arc his back to rub into it. Something pushed him gently so he stopped. His face itched awfully and a cooling sensation ascended onto it. It was so soothing that he moaned with pleasure.

"Shhhh... Bucky... you don't want to scare the doctors." Said familiar voice.

"It doesn't hurt." He muttered while opening his eyes. His vision was foggy but he recognized one person. And then another, standing a few feet away. He couldn't exactly recall any names... "Why it doesn't hurt?" He asked genuinely with blue eyes wide open.

One of the handlers grimaced, surprised by his inquiry.

"Because, Bucky, you're among friends." Said familiar blonde man. "We want you to feel good..."

Bucky was confused. "I'm ready to take the punishment. I failed. Target survived." He repeated just in case, if there was a misunderstanding. Unclear messages were punished too.

He heard a stifled chuckle.

"We know it Buck, this is why I'm still here. I was your mission."

The soldier felt arising tight wave going up his body. Something clenched his chest and his heart started pounding like crazy. His breath sped up but he felt suffocation sucking up his consciousness so he waved his arms in panic.

Someone shouted in pain.

"It's alright! Alright Bucky! I'm alive! You're alive!"

Soldier's shallow breath paced down after he felt a prick in his arm. He had no strength to fight it.

Steve's face appeared so close. "You'll be good. I'm your friend, James..."

"S-steve!" Bucky cried and new tears went down his face. "I almost beat you to death!" His voice broke down. "This is the only thing I want to wipe out! That's the only thing..." He mumbled through whimper and held Steve's hand with his metal one. He tried not to squeeze to hard.

"You're forgiven Bucky... just let us help you to heal yourself..." Said quiet voice, it sounded so much like this boy that Bucky used to protect, yet, he seemed so different.


	2. Chapter 2

**Because I never know how write "just one-shot, just a short story and that's done."**

**Thank you for coming here. This is an -alternative- and somewhat darker story of getting Bucky back to normal life, compared to "Monster and Honey" that I haven't finished and yet started this one. Enjoy!**

**Comment ;) Thank you!**

* * *

The room was silent, except a calming noise of flickering fire somewhere nearby. Pale man opened his eyes wearily and tried to raise his head.

"Mmmhh..." And he landed on a pillow.

Not to feel totally out of control, he inhaled deeply, testing if air smells of any fumes. He thought something may be burning... he felt that he might be tortured and the sound of fire brings him pain. But it didn't.

Relieved, he kept on looking around from the horizontal position. His watchful, blue eyes scanned every detail of the ceilling, however found nothing but neutral shapes and soothing colors in almost-twilight space where he remained feeling somewhat safe. It was strange, alien and suspicious. And that strangeness delivered fear.

Where was he? He has to go back to the handlers... a scowl of anxiety grew on a tired face and a loud weep followed.

A rumble sounded from one side of the room and the battered man rolled to his side with an effort. He wanted to find his knives, yet his combat clothes were replaced by some kind of soft apparel that offered zero protection. He released his shirt from metal fingers, sighed and nodded with disapproval when another man approached much too close.

The soldier quailed.

"Bucky... how are you?"

Battered face and dark circled eyes sent Steve a dirty look from behind tangled hair. Reddish lips repeated "Bucky" silently and loosely and his eyes suddenly shot to the side... like that time at the bridge.

"The bridge..." Said cracked voice.

"Yes, you and me at the bridge. I saw you then the very first time." The blonde man continued while soldier kept his lost eyes fixed on him as if trying to solve a puzzle. "If you haven't tried to kill me, I'd think I saw a ghost!"

The man giggled and made some effort to smile, yet his lips couldn't do it fully. Not with some kind of sadness in his eyes.

Soldier felt overwhelmed by this view.

"Who... who the hell are you?" He asked not revealing any emotion except curiosity mixed with anxiety.

The blonde man looked down, straight into his eyes and Bucky froze, his mouth opened.

"Buck." Cried the man. "How can you not remember again? What have they done to you?" He sniffed and stepped back to land heavily onto a chair. Hand covering his eyes.

Empty-faced soldier started breathing faster but he couldn't know why. He gazed around, seeing that this place is smaller than he expected. Some kind of redecorated hospital room or redecorated to look like one. Nothing like at the lab...

"I..." He started and lowered his eyes, completely confused. There was an urge for him to do something... some kind of... mission?

"What is it, Bucky?"

"Is it my name?" He wanted to behave.

"That's your name." Blonde raised on the chair and stared at the lying figure. "That's the name I gave you."

"Are you my handler?" He wanted to confirm beyond any doubts trembling his heart.

There was a pause filling the air, as if the new handler died for a second, only the flickering fire let everyone know that it's real.

Sitting man bite his lip and fought with a forming cringe to finally huff. "I'm your friend... you remembered hours ago. How can you not know?!"

"I... I'm sorry." Bucky turned awkwardly to his other side and curled. There was a tear in his heart and a hole in his memory. and he tried to complete the puzzle, to behave. He had to be the best... he is the best. He loves to do that, he loves to... kill.

Muffled yelp left the bed.

"Buck! Do you remember now?" Gentle voice came closer to him.

And he felt so cold and isolated. There was nothing too familiar or too alien. He was adrift and some kind of anger arose inside.

"I remember." Uttered cold and low voice. It belonged to someone precise and confident.

Steve withdrew immediately from the bed, realizing what's going on.

A door on the far left opened silently and a group of armed men ran inside faster than he could take a breath. Among them, there was a few people from medical personnel holding a different kind of pistols.

Long-haired assassin didn't move. Steve couldn't see his eyes, but by the looks of medics, it wasn't good at all.

"Is this a test?" Asked the same, deep voice. "I can take on any of them... жалкая..."

"Bucky!" Steve kept on looking around the gathered staff to let them know it's not the time... yet. He took a breath and continued, watching perfectly still man lying under white sheets. Brown hair resting loosely. He'd think it's a mannequin, if not barely visible movements of his chest... "You are my friend... do you remember that big guy who always kept on nagging me at school? You protected me! You are my friend! You threatened to kick him in the nuts... and he just gave you that stupid look and escaped! Or that alley where you beat up that other guy... when we came back from a bar and he..." Steven swallowed, sensing tension rising in the air.

People at the other side of the bed watched Bucky's face constantly. There was no contact.

"Buck... James... look at me."

Everyone jumped a little when at first limp body rose slightly shaking. The soldier used his left hand to support most of his weight and push to the other side. Not before he stopped in the middle to gaze at his handlers. He felt like at home again. Quiet servomotors buzzed when metal arm moved with mechanical grace.

"And who is there to protect you now, Steve?"

The question froze Steve's heart as the icy eyes of Winter Soldier pierced him down. Full lips formed into a savage grimace, white teeth glistening.

Before he knew it, heavy man landed on top of him. Steve hit the floor and gasped, pushing back metal fist trying to grab his throat while the other murderous hand punched him in the gut.

"Don't shoot!" He mumbled with effort, hearing rattle of guns.

"You're afraid to die, Steve?!" Shouted flustered man. His strength was equal to his fury. "I was the one who had to go through this! I lost my arm and my life!" He grunted when captain managed to push his body to the side. He blocked his legs and grabbed the wrists to fix them to the floor with exhausting effort.

"I waited for you! I hated you and still waited!" Voice changed a tad but kept a fierce tone.

"Now!" Steven shouted to the medics.

"I waited and hoped that commando will save me! You saved me once! Where were you?!" Bucky screamed in woe and kicked frantically. Captain couldn't hold him any longer.

Crazy figure jumped to his feet with animal agility and sprung to the side, closing on the nearby doctor.

The woman screamed and covered her face in panic.

"Don't shoot him!" Shouted terrified man from the floor. His nose was bleeding and he was afraid to see more blood spill because of Bucky.


	3. Purgatory

No one likes going back to a past like that... his breath slowed down as gray fog covered his mind. He was back.

The soldier blinked fast. He flinched a bit when something as a notion of scream or weeping reached his senses. He jerked the right hand towards his chest. He swayed taking a deep breath of surprise. The air smelled with rotting tissue, fear and sweat.

He frowned.

A gun in his hand felt familiar, he slowly retracted it into a holster, not even remembering that he had one. Tiles on the walls that used to be white, kept on reflecting dead light of fluorescent lamps. He looked down to move his uneasy feet, impossible to escape greasy filth on the floor. It made him nauseous.

With a continuous stench hitting his face, he glanced more forward. Then he realized the gun was pointing right at that direction. And the sight shook his limbs and he bent down involuntarily.

Dead body... he tilted his head and closed his eyes, as if counting on some kind of liberation from reality. Watery and startled blue eyes examined that corner of the room again...

Not a dead body... a few of them. Lying limp and dropped like a pack of unwanted things.

He yelped and touched his nose, feeling unpleasant itching of a cry. He looked around in panic, but there was no one there. Only him and a bunch of people... that were gone...

"Did I...?" He bit his lip and scowled, looking down, hopelessly searching for a clear explanation, for scarps of memory. "It's... it's me..." He muttered with a stutter as a few lonely tears wondered outside of his eyes. Closed walls of abandoned asylum kept his soul restrained.

Then more tears followed. He felt lightheaded ant let his back lazily slide down on the dirty wall as he looked up. He was already empty when he touched the floor. He remembered.

Soldier's face went white when he glared at his silent companions in suffering. Maybe one or two were bad enough to be treated like this. Maybe... but there was more of them, so many... the last pleading target tore a hole through his conscience and it poured with dark void from his icy heart.

"I'm done..." He said quietly and calmly and reached for his gun again. Following the barrel with indifference drawn onto his face, he felt a touch of cold metal under his chin. It was enough to pull the trigger and finish it all... he wanted it at least twice before.

Tired, long-haired man closed his eyes and tensed his jaw. They said it wouldn't hurt... just pull the trigger.

"No!" Brutal force yanked his body. The gun shot just next to his face. He grunted with irritation and pain as the noise almost made his left ear explode.

"No! Bucky!" A cry, there was a man holding him down... "Bucky! Snap out of it!"

James opened his lips and looked at a face above him. Heavy weight was pinning him down and a few armed men were aiming rifles at his face. Some woman kept on weeping in the background.

"Steve... what happened?" He asked sheepishly, still fighting shock caused by a close gunshot.

Captain swallowed and fear appeared on his reddish face. "You don't remember? Not at all?" He asked straight into his eyes.

"I was... I was back on a mission." Pain appeared on his face.

"What kind of a mission was this?!" Shouted Steven, now more agitated. He squeezed Bucky's arms so hard that it hurt him. "Tell me! I'm not letting you until you tell me all of it!"

James glanced to the sides, realizing that he was sick and weak. He felt like breaking into pieces and his best friend was close to become his tormentor.

"Let me go Steve... I'll tell you all, just let me sit like a human being. I wasn't allowed to sit, lie or stand without their permission..."

"Oh... okay, okay..." Steve slowly loosen his grab and raised his right hand, to signal guards. They lowered their guns, but kept on staring at James with merciless eyes.

The weak man supported himself onto the metal arm, red star contrasting with his white skin steel. He stumbled and then Steve reached for him as forgetting that Bucky could be ever lacking of his strength.

Captain helped him these few steps to the bed and Bucky sat on it reluctantly, just to lay flat after a second. He felt as all his bad past kept on eating his vitality and no serum could prevent that...

"I'm tired, Steve." He almost whispered.

"What did you see? I just stopped you from... you attacked the doctor and then, you..." Steven continued, not believing his own words. Buck kept on looking at him, with his eyes becoming darker and sadder. "You somehow managed to steal a gun from this officer and-"

"Instead of shooting anyone, I decided to-"

"What the hell is going on here?!" A sudden, deep voice woke everyone up from this moving mood.

Almost everyone. Bucky was close to unconscious with half-closed eyes. But Steven's eyes opened wide when he recognized that voice.

"F-Fury?" He muttered, completely flabbergasted.

"C-Cap?!" Replied amused voice. "I heard you brought some trouble on yourself. I came to check what's this trouble all about!"

A confused smirk wondered onto blonde man's face. "It's... Bucky is back."

"Are you sure he's still alive?" Buck would react if not a sedative applied to him just a minute ago. One of the doctors completely ignored intimate friends' moment. He preferred to feel safe...

Soldier kept on drifting away, still carefully trying to listen...

"I just stopped him from committing suicide."

"So he has feelings like that?"


End file.
